Carla Bruni - Le Toi Du Moi

pentru tine, iubirea mea...

what would I do if I wasn't afraid...

I’m afraid
I’m scared
does it mean I dream too high?
does it mean it’s impossible?

I take all my motivation
and courage
from my heart
from my broken soul

why always after a wound
remains a scar?
how can I cover my scars?
is love enough?

september

cold september full of news

weekend conference with 120 ppl motivated to achieve results
chats on messenger with old friends
one of my best friends started to live a new love
also did probably my best male friend
one of my high-school colleagues got married
another one will have her wedding next summer
andrei and andreea, my example of a successful long distance relationship broke up
my grandpa’ was in the hospital
my mom works after-hours and has 7 projects to finish
my boyfriend will resign from his job and apply for aiesec
ana has stories from greece
tomorrow I’ll have my first real business meeting
this week alex will subscribe me in my extra year in the university
I’ll go to gyor
my dad will send me money
I watch talks on www.ted.com

I decided to choose my attitude in my september, full of news
how is your september?

between homes

romania - home
rush night with you
crazy day with my friends and going home
long days visiting relatives
dealing with banks
telling stories
way back to… second home
visit friends and relatives (sibiu and cluj)
hi-tech road to budapest

back here
evenings and dinners with my beloved parents
sharing impressions about hungary
feeling protected and adult
saying good bye and getting to work

waiting in the airport
butterflies in my stomach
left breathless
the happiest week of my life

watching the music fountain on margit island
walking in the old town
walking on the banks of the danube with sand in the shoes
playing with the feet in the water in the city center
having a picnic next to the lake under a tree
admiring the city from the hill
running in the rain
waiting the first night bus over an orange juice in McD
boat sightseeing on the danube
visiting Vienna
sleeping in the train
watching strange movie
eating out
drinking flavoured water
taking random pictures
crying
flying away…

next
tomorrow I leave for turkey
a new country
the biggest aiesec conference
meeting friends
2 weeks of pure aiesec :)

now

visited the interesting Istanbul

parts of history that come alive

in pictures, buidings, museums

being sexy just because I'm blonde

different culture

a lot of questions and curiosity

I'll definitely come back

IC

working on GNs (regions of the aiesec world)

meeting old friends

having nice conversations

eating good food :)

living it all!

I'm going home

imhmmm!

I'll spend my summer holiday at home

just a few days

dealing with the bank, university, winter clothes packing

but also meeting my beloved parents,

darling

friends

relatives

I'll buy my flight ticket tomorrow :)

I miss a romanian hug

the smell of dust of bucharest

the shadow of ase

the people who run to catch the bus

the traffic lights with stopwatch

the ice coffee from gregory's

my pink room

the asphalt that melts under your feet

the yellow taxis that take you home in the night

the one hour sleep rolling on the shitty highway

the new metro

and having a beer on la motoare

and I will taste them all again in just 2 weeks!

see u there!

Vama Veche-Epilogue

the song of today

why I love aiesec

I've just had an interesting conversation with my boyfriend about what aiesec is

and it made me think about what aiesec is for me and why I love it so much that sometimes I hate it with all my heart

it's because it makes you live with passion

it challenges you with every day, every meeting, every task, every conference, every experience you have

it bonds you to fabulous people, each of them weird in their own magnific way

and in the end, it makes you reinvent everything you might ever take for granted

aiesec can be a virus that starts an epidemic of positive change, it can be the pool of sparks that light an internal self-sustainable fire, it can be fashion and beauty or it can be the organisation that creates a butterfly effect to make a difference.

this is for me the beauty of this organization

I want shoes

why is it so hard to find a pair of shoes to fit you?

am I too demanding?

I just want some formalish flat heals office shoes on white, black or red

and by the way

if you look for the same shoes type as me,

in westend they don't have 38 or 39

I've checked all the shops there and they do not have!!!

most branded

long and hard day in the office
discussions on clashes of values
hard decisions
good and bad news
a little bit of fun
hungarian lunch

folded clothes on my bed
dear room-mateJ
waiting for a reply
missing a skype conversion
feeling sad

a sweet friend’s request
one more blog added to the list
a funny news
I’m the most branded

with

pink kisses

butterflies
blondie
colorful
smiley
enthusiastic

thank you guys!:)

one way communication

what do you think “culture” is?
silence
any opinions?
silence
any questions?
silence

here you have a brief of how a session
can look like here…
now I know it’s not because of English
and it’s not because I’m in CEE
romania is also in CEE
and people talk there

after the lunch break
there were just me and 2 girls in the room
I ask them how was their lunch
they answer
and then they continue their conversation
in Hungarian, of course

should I feel left aside?
should I feel frustrated?

no, I have to be flexible
and accept it’s just a cultural difference

but what about respect?

adapting?!

I'm beginning to be myself

less masks and more me

it's comfortable to know that

people want to see you and

not the mask you had to create

now I can color my days with smiles

and with girlie pink :))

un colţ de vamă lângă dunăre

aseara am fost la o alta bye-bye party, pentru o tipa care pleaca in mc in malaezia.
a fost intr-un club in aer liber, undeva langa dunare. de cum am intrat si am auzit muzica rock tare si am vazut oameni dansand liber, fara nicio prejudecata sau restrictie, mi-am adus aminte de vama veche.

e foarte tare clubul si muzica de acolo. o sa ma intorc sa ma dansez. desi nu miroase a mare, bei bere la pahar. si desi nu dansezi pe nisip, te invaluie mirosul ametitorde flori de tei.

am dansat si ma gandeam la tine. m-am uitat la cer si am multumit ca te am chiar daca esti acolo, te am mereu cu mine.

o sa fie o alta vara in care nu ajung la mare. si mi-e dor de mare. mult mai putin decat mi-e dor de tine insa mi-e dor: de vama, de trenul care te duce acolo, de noptile instelate pe plaja, de briza care ma face sa-mi fie racoare, de sunetul valurilor care se sparg la mal, de soarele care-mi arde pielea. nu o sa-mi mai miroasa parul a sare si nici nu o sa mai am talpile zgariate de nisipul zgrunturos… ce pacat!

transition

the transition is going on
even if my “husband” left already
sometimes I feel that everybody has a guardian angel
in this fight for understanding how to have a good start
for a good year

everybody but me…
somehow, I’m on my own now
and it’s hard and challenging
I have the space to make my own mistakes
even if I’m not allowed to make any mistakes

this weekend I’ll meet my team
I’m curious, excited, eager to know them
it will be a year of work for them and with them
different individuals, each of them special in his/her way
how will we all fit together?

it’s a matter of will, trust, support, motivation and passion;)

I might be...

sweet calm blonde
the most important person in somebody’s life
the room mate that made her see the colors

the bitch that didn’t recruit me
the student different of her group colleagues
a hero and example that things can work out
a friend you can rely on
the weird girl that will always be there
the first girl he said “I love you” to
the MC member with no EB experience
the grand daughter that is always far away
pink girl...

what am I for you, reader of my blog and life?

la multi ani

inca te mai bucuri de o bomboana primita?

inca mai razi daca ti se arata un deget, cand esti vesel?

inca iti mai vine sa sari in sus cand esti fericit?

ti-e pofta de inghetata si nu iti pasa ca faci rosu in gat?

tom si jerry inca iti mai aduc zambete pe fata?

iti place sa fii rasfatat cand esti trist?

si nu ai uitat inca sa te joci?

iti urez la multi ani!

copilul din tine merita din plin aceasta zi!;)

37

the tram that takes me

to Blaha Luiza Ter and back

building

discovering what’s inside
adapting with little questioning
little sleeping
full agenda
have great discussions
meeting beautiful people
feeling more self-confident
and still a little bit scared
changing in appearance
struggling on inside
planning for the team
often forgetting about myself

pieces of home

in hungary

long week


projects in school
sugar nights
bye-bye party in AIESEC
friends tears
graduation ceremony
bitter sweet butterflies
packing
moving out
hugging parents
flying away


I'm here
and now it will all start!

empty closet

my closet is empty now
my jewels are waiting to be packed

I'm having a hard time
saying good bye
good bye to home
to family
to friends
to him

I don't feel I'm wanted there
but I feel the people here
telling me not to go

he told me
it's hard to leave when you have roots
you're right, my dear!

we have 4 more days left

before and after... or NOW?

why is it that we split our lives in
before and after?

before and after high school
before and after surgery
before AIESEC
before and after poland
before hungary

before and after tonight

before him and
now!

is it that all things come to an end?
but why do we seek for the end
and not for what is happening?

will anybody measure his life in
before and after
me?

fragments of me

so tell me… what’s going on?
start with the beginning!
which beginning?
it was weird but I liked it…
------------------------------------------------------
and what will happen next?
I don't know
it's hard to make any promise
------------------------------------------------------
are you ok?
yes! and you? are you ok?
yes, I’m fine.
are you sure?
------------------------------------------------------
you see? we want different things
it’s funny but sad in the same time
------------------------------------------------------
am I the one with the most interesting life now?
it seems so… I just want to get it over with the thesis
------------------------------------------------------
when will you get here?
I don’t know where I’m going to live…

we grow up

and we become more and more different
we choose our path
we build our career or our family
create a home

my friends plan their wedding
others plan their business
some of them buy houses
just a few have just plans

when will I grow up?
I don’t even know how to love…
or cook a fancy dinner
or have a real job

I’m somewhere on the way
from being a teenager
to a grown up
will you walk next to me on this path?

countdown

people around me started to countdown

I refuse to count days

I prefere to live moments

to enjoy time

to play

to feel

sexy in blue jeans

she feels sexy in blue jeans

she feels beautiful in redand she wants to feel good when he looks at her being sexy in red

she wants to go shopping

but she has no time for it

isn't it lame not to have the time for shopping

when she doesn't even earn her own money yet?

but one day, she goes out

and buys not one but 2 pairs of blue jeans

and a red shirt

she feels sexier now

she's beautiful and she begins to know it

change me with myself

change once again
this time change with myself
a stronger me
a more confident one
as I used to be

how come people that pass through your life
can destroy so much without even knowing it?

discover the change and think if it’s worth it or not
say good bye and step forward

swim in red

I miss being red
dressed in red
feeling red
talking red
being red

will you come and make me red?
when?
I’m here, screaming pink for red!

empty walls

I was looking at the building in front of my window
it is still under construction
those empty walls are waiting for life, for energy, for soul, for light
how many lives will be lived in there?
how many babies will spend their childhood there?
how many teenagers will fall in love?
how many will make love for the first time in there?
how many couples will have their honey moon in a room the heads to Stefan cel Mare?
how many of them will break up?
how many people will die there?
how many secrets will does walls keep?
light, soul, energy, life

baby doll

ribbons that transform into bows
girls were the bows in their hair and feel little again
protected, special, sweet
will you come to take off my ribbon and caress my hair?

pack your bags

a life in a luggage
you pack and unpack
soul in corners of the world
come and go
hello or goodbye?
pieces packed in a heavy luggage
carrying experience

every woman

can you measure how woman a girl can be?
if you want, measure it any day but today.
today just celebrate the women in your life...
I will spend my day with the most
special woman in my life:
the one that gave me the most precious gift of all
my life
my mom

being curly

aren’t you sometimes dying to live something spectacular?
what if you’d take the control for every day you have and make something spectacular out of your every day?

eat something you haven’t tried before!
go somewhere you’ve never been and visit a friend!
take a train and have a night travel with a bunch of crazy people you love!
ask the strangest questions to you room mates and have a good discussion based on that!
invent a game and play it!
have a funky photo shoot session in room mate’s bed!
make yourself a new haircut and answer with a smile on your face when people are amazed by the change!

in the end, I like to take the spark from every of these little things and keep it to get energy for the next spectacular day!

mărţişor

.red and white...
.sunshine...
.thousands of colors...
.hope...

.life...

.fresh air...

.new dreams...

.wet grass...

.millions of smiles...

.walk...

.energy...

.fluffy clouds...

.magic

my second birthday

28 february 2003

having jokes with my mom, in the morning;
lying naked on a hospital bed, continuing to make jokes;
getting waken up in the middle of the surgery and being asked to move my legs;
being cold in an intensive care room;
being unable to control my legs;
living dependent of my parents once again for every single little thing;
learning to walk again;
following my dreams and letting nothing interfere.

28 february 2007

having a relaxed ordinary morning;
meeting my mom and having an interesting chat about building and saving teams;

receiving a phone call from a dear friend of mine;
having lunch with a great ex MCP, currently MBA student;
accidentally meeting a former high school colleague and chatting about her experience in Budapest as Erasmus student;
now going for my Spanish language course that I so love!

everyday can bring a change or a wink of beauty; it’s up to each of us to make it glow!

cherish friendship

how many friends can you really have in a lifetime?
how many of them are there for you when you cry? how many understand you when not even you can understand you? how many are one breath close to you even if there thousands of kilometers separating you? how many of them hug you so warm you feel as a supergirl?

how deep does it hurt to loose a friend? and yet how comfortable feels to gain him once again?

how can you know the slight difference from loving a friend as a friend and loving him from another perspective? and when you discover you feel something else, how can you act as if nothing is happening? how can you two get back to what you first had? How can you not wait for his presence or word, how can you not care if something’s happening to him? How can you act indifferent when you are not and nothing to break inside of you?

how can I think I'm standing strong,
yet feel the air beneath my feet?
how can happiness feel so wrong?
how can misery feel so sweet?
how can you let me watch you sleep,
then break my dreams the way you do?
how can I have got in so deep?
why did I fall in love with you?

first step

I feel that I need to share what’s in me and what I am…

so, every time I’ll have anything to share I will write it here.

it will get to you and it will stay in time… it’s a matter of continuous life through letters…

enjoy the show and get to be part of it!